How To Become a Politician WITHOUT Resorting To Severe Wankery

I know, another list!

I have decided to help compile a list of all of the things I've noticed Politicians doing wrong and making them lose votes.... yeah... because I know SO MUCH about politics that my opinion is TOTALLY VALID....

Anyway, TO THE LIST!

1. Don't lose touch with the people

And I don't mean "the people would like to keep their jobs" and "The people want us to pull out of Iraq..." I mean promising the people things they WANT, like ponies! Who doesn't want a pony? Hell, what about promising a ride on mower? Or a laptop for every chi... oh... wait a minute....

2. Don't try to 'get down wid da kidz in da hood, dawg.'

If you go that far it becomes obvious to the public that you are trying to do step one the half-assed el cheapo way, by trying to skateboard and wear some costume shop bling.... It didn't work for Mark Vaile (hes a bigger tosser than ever) and it wont work for you!

3. Take a stance on an issue and stick with it, no matter what.

No one likes a pansyassed flim flammer.

4. Learn to accept defeat...

....Speaks for itself really.

5. Kissing Children is a NO NO!

No child needs to see that and besides, you may have Michael Jackson-esq allegations thrown at you... seriously...

If you were a toddler would you really want to see that coming at you? EW! Put yourself in their shoes!

6. Be Family Friendly

Come on folks, appeal to working families!! Nothing wins an election like saying "working families" over and over.... come on, try it with me! "Working Families, Working Families, Working Families....."

7. Never contradict yourself

Again, no-one respects a pansy-assed flim flammer.

8. Never take blogs seriously

If you've taken this one seriously you re screwed, because (if you didn't notice -and like you didn't you sly dogs!) all of these topics are... CONTRADICTIONS!! :O

Proving once and for all folks, you can't become a politician without resorting to severe wankery.

Lou